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 Will Shaw pitch thread

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PostSubject: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:53 pm

This is the official pitch thread of Will Shaw.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:54 pm

September 11

So on our lacrosse team everyone calls Chris Bertone, Rabies. So I was thinking that one day we would be walking down the hall and someone says "Rabies". Then I ask "hey why does everyone call you that anyways" and then he flashs back to a day earlier in his life. Then we could have Chris's little brother come in and we will show him getting bitten by another student. Then it will come back from the flashback and I will be like "yes it all makes sense now" and we will continue down the hall and go back to the normal day that we were having.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Sep 14, 2014 9:32 pm

September 15

So ive been thinking about a funny PSA we could do. So I was thinking that we could have Chris and I in a class with a couple other kids. Our teacher will just be doing the same thing she/he does everyday and I will say a joke under my breath to Chris. Then Chris will say it louder and then the whole class will start laughing at the joke including the teacher. Then Ill say "um that was my joke" and then the teacher will start yelling at me for talking. Then she will continue on with her/his class then the Mr. Kuether will walk by and our teacher will call him in and she will say "Chris tell Mr. Keuther your joke." Then Chris will tell him the joke and he will start cracking up and then ill say "Uh Mr. Kuether I said that. That was my joke." Then Mr. Kuether will say "You know its really not nice to steal people jokes like that. Im gonna send you to the office." then I leave and everyone thinks Chris is the funniest kid in school.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Sep 14, 2014 10:01 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
September 11

So on our lacrosse team everyone calls Chris Bertone, Rabies. So I was thinking that one day we would be walking down the hall and someone says "Rabies". Then I ask "hey why does everyone call you that anyways" and then he flashs back to a day earlier in his life. Then we could have Chris's little brother come in and we will show him getting bitten by another student. Then it will come back from the flashback and I will be like "yes it all makes sense now" and we will continue down the hall and go back to the normal day that we were having.

It's funny, but I'd suggest making Chris remember/tell the story one way (cut to flashback with his little brother) where he gets the nickname by doing something really tough. But then you cut back to the present and someone nearby declares that he has it all wrong, that they remember how he really got that nickname (cut to different flashback with his little brother) where he gets the nickname in the least possible tough/macho/impressive way possible. It would add an extra layer of fun and comedy to the bit. Just a suggestion, but I like it in general.

PITCH: 10
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Sep 14, 2014 10:06 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
September 15

So ive been thinking about a funny PSA we could do. So I was thinking that we could have Chris and I in a class with a couple other kids. Our teacher will just be doing the same thing she/he does everyday and I will say a joke under my breath to Chris. Then Chris will say it louder and then the whole class will start laughing at the joke including the teacher. Then Ill say "um that was my joke" and then the teacher will start yelling at me for talking. Then she will continue on with her/his class then the Mr. Kuether will walk by and our teacher will call him in and she will say "Chris tell Mr. Keuther your joke." Then Chris will tell him the joke and he will start cracking up and then ill say "Uh Mr. Kuether I said that. That was my joke." Then Mr. Kuether will say "You know its really not nice to steal people jokes like that. Im gonna send you to the office." then I leave and everyone thinks Chris is the funniest kid in school.

It's excellent overall. I'm not sure the finish is as tight as it could be, might be worth brainstorming on the ending a little bit, but there's a strong video in here if you get the details and execution right, no doubt.

PITCH: 10
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Wed Sep 17, 2014 8:52 am

September 17
So Shack I was thinking about a PSA that we could do. I was Thinking that we could pretend that we are in the grocery store (the rams den). So we could be walking around looking for a certain type of food. And finally after looking for 2 hours we ask an employee. The employee then shows us where the food is and then he will start telling us random facts about the food. "Ya these were actually made in Zimbabwe" and finally after so much random information that we end up just leaving and not buying anything. I think we could make think this funny and the setting doesn't necessarily need to be at a grocery store.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:02 pm

September 19

So Shack I was thinking that we could do an ultra at lax bro PSA. So we could have Chris as the lax bro and we could just go through his everyday life as a lax bro. So he first starts the day off waking up and showing us his "crib" and he would only wear lacrosse pinnies. Then we could show him walking into class with his pinnie and his lacrosse stick. Then we could show him dodging people in the halls. And if the teacher asks him anything he will just use lacrosse lingo like bro, flow, spoon ect. Finally we could show him after school just playing wall ball. I think if we do it right this could be a very funny PSA
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Sep 22, 2014 8:49 pm

September 23

So I was thinking about something we could do for a psa. So I was thinking we could do something where Nevin is Chris's dad and we could have Chris be my new girlfriend and have him dress up as girl. And we could have Nevin (Chris's dad) meet me and ask me all of these absurd questions like "what kind of dates will you take my daughter on" and then we can have Chris be like "Father stop it you are embarrasing me" and we could do something along those lines. I think this would be very funny if we did it right.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Sep 22, 2014 11:45 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
September 17
So Shack I was thinking about a PSA that we could do. I was Thinking that we could pretend that we are in the grocery store (the rams den). So we could be walking around looking for a certain type of food. And finally after looking for 2 hours we ask an employee. The employee then shows us where the food is and then he will start telling us random facts about the food. "Ya these were actually made in Zimbabwe" and finally after so much  random information that we end up just leaving and not buying anything. I think we could make think this funny and the setting doesn't necessarily need to be at a grocery store.

I like the grocery store angle actually. It makes for some fun possibilities. This is worth discussing to brainstorm the right ideas and jokes to really make it pop, but I like its potential a lot.

PITCH: 10
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Sep 22, 2014 11:59 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
September 19

So Shack I was thinking that we could do an ultra at lax bro PSA. So we could have Chris as the lax bro and we could just go through his everyday life as a lax bro. So he first starts the day off waking up and showing us his "crib" and he would only wear lacrosse pinnies. Then we could show him walking into class with his pinnie and his lacrosse stick. Then we could show him dodging people in the halls. And if the teacher asks him anything he will just use lacrosse lingo like bro, flow, spoon ect. Finally we could show him after school just playing wall ball. I think if we do it right this could be a very funny PSA

This one is very hit or miss. It's not inherently funny to anyone who's not into lacrosse, so it immediately risks feeling like an inside joke, which we try to avoid. That's not to say it's impossible to make this work, but it feels like it needs tweaking to open it up to work for our entire audience.

PITCH: 9
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:03 am

Jshaw28 wrote:
September 23

So I was thinking about something we could do for a psa. So I was thinking we could do something where Nevin is Chris's dad and we could have Chris be my new girlfriend and have him dress up as girl. And we could have Nevin (Chris's dad) meet me and ask me all of these absurd questions like "what kind of dates will you take my daughter on" and then we can have Chris be like "Father stop it you are embarrasing me" and we could do something along those lines. I think this would be very funny if we did it right.

This could be funny, but it's hard to say for sure. This is really just the start of a pitch, as there's no indication of how the bit ends. It's more goofy than it is funny, which isn't really the same thing. With the right script and acting, it could be goofy AND funny, but you need some work on the current version pitched here to make that happen.

PITCH: 9
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:53 am

September 25

So for a PSA I was thinking that we could have chris and I in the anchor chairs. We could show how we have always been dreaming about being the anchors. We could do the whole show and have us say all their lines. The whole time we could think that no one is watching and then we look over and see you then we would just stop and you would just drop everything and start clapping and saying how awesome we did. Or for an alternate ending we could have you guys watching us from the control room just laughing at how we are making ourselves look like fools.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Sep 28, 2014 12:28 am

Wshaw15 wrote:
September 25

So for a PSA I was thinking that we could have chris and I in the anchor chairs. We could show how we have always been dreaming about being the anchors. We could do the whole show and have us say all their lines. The whole time we could think that no one is watching and then we look over and see you then we would just stop and you would just drop everything and start clapping and saying how awesome we did. Or for an alternate ending we could have you guys watching us from the control room just laughing at how we are making ourselves look like fools.

It's way funnier to have you guys doing badly and not know that you're being watched in the control room. I could get behind that spin on this one if you wanted to do it.

PITCH: 10
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Sep 28, 2014 8:25 pm

September 28,

So for a psa I was thinking that we could have all of us in class just working on the computer. Then we could have one student be listening to the song "let it go" and just randomly break out into song. And get up on the table and start dancing. Then maybe we could have them run down the hall still dancing to the music. Here is the video of the song.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Fri Oct 03, 2014 12:46 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
September 28,

So for a psa I was thinking that we could have all of us in class just working on the computer.  Then we could have one student be listening to the song "let it go" and just randomly break out into song. And get up on the table and start dancing. Then maybe we could have them run down the hall still dancing to the music. Here is the video of the song.

If you got the details right on this it could be fun, but it seems like it'd be important to amp up how corny and cheesy the video is (on purpose). We should discuss how to accomplish that if you are interested in pursuing this one.

PITCH: 10
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Wed Nov 05, 2014 9:08 am

For a psa I was thinking that we could do something where someone in our class like maybe bertone is having trouble working out. So I could pretend like I know everything about lifting and then I take bertone into the weight room. Then I could be like pretending to use all of this terminology that I think I know but I actually have no idea what it means.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Fri Nov 07, 2014 10:54 am

November 7

So I was thinking that for a psa we could do a day in the life of a superhero. And we could have bertone dress up as a superhero and have him walk around the town doing stupid things and have him acting like he nows how to fly and how he thinks he can run really fast. I think this could be really funny
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Nov 10, 2014 1:53 pm

Hey will it's matt mchugh. I liked your Chris bertone rabies idea. Me and Kerry were reading it in the library and it made us laugh out loud lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Nov 11, 2014 8:15 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
For a psa I was thinking that we could do something where someone in our class like maybe bertone is having trouble working out. So I could pretend like I know everything about lifting and then I take bertone into the weight room. Then I could be like pretending to use all of this terminology that I think I know but I actually have no idea what it means.

NOV 7

It's a funny concept shell, but it needs lots more work to develop a script that will set you up for success. But if you plan it out right, there's certainly potential to make it turn out well.

How does it end?

PITCH: 9
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Nov 11, 2014 8:16 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
November 7

So I was thinking that for a psa we could do a day in the life of a superhero. And we could have bertone dress up as a superhero and have him walk around the town doing stupid things and have him acting like he nows how to fly and how he thinks he can run really fast. I think this could be really funny

NOV 12

This pitch feels underdeveloped. What specific "stupid things" does he do? How does it end? All we have here at the moment is a goofy premise, but we need to shape it into a narrative (a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end).  So without that, it's tough to get a sense of whether this is headed for a hit or a flop.

PITCH: 8 (idea could be a 10 maybe, but the current pitch of it is an 8.)
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Fri Nov 14, 2014 10:53 am

So I was thinking we could do a psa where we could have bertone and we could have him in the locker room giving a speech for a big game and we could really say anything. I think this could be funny
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:53 am

Thank you chris bertone for having beautiful lettuce and a great attitude
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Nov 24, 2014 10:59 am

Thank you backpacks for giving my backpain everyday of my high school career
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Dec 02, 2014 11:08 am

December 2

So I was thinking that we could have bertone and it is a big day for hime because he has to make a speech. But the only problem is that no one can understand him. So he starts of his speech and everyone in the autotorium starts yelling cause they cant understand him then I come up to the stage and im like wait I can understand what hes saying. Then I get up and translate the whole speech for him and everyone love it and gets up and starts clapping.
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PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Thu Dec 04, 2014 10:50 am

Thank you shoes for letting me walk in you
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