The official MSB pitch forum. An idea farm, a concept warehouse. The next MSB classic starts here.
 
HomeCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog inMSB

Share | 
 

 Will Shaw pitch thread

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4
AuthorMessage
Wshaw15
JV Starter
JV Starter


Posts : 41
Join date : 2014-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:03 am

March 16

thank you Deodorant for hiding my stench
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Wshaw15
JV Starter
JV Starter


Posts : 41
Join date : 2014-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Wed Mar 18, 2015 9:58 am

March 18

so for a psa i was thinking that bertone and i could hear something and we start walking towards it. We hear a song coming from a closet and the music starts to take us over and then the closet turns into a club and we just start dancing like crazy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Wshaw15
JV Starter
JV Starter


Posts : 41
Join date : 2014-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Fri Mar 20, 2015 9:49 am

March 20

Thank you all knock off pencils for not being as good as Ticonderogas.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Wshaw15
JV Starter
JV Starter


Posts : 41
Join date : 2014-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:50 am

March 24

Thank you to that one pink shirt in the white laundry load for making me look like a princess all day
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:17 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
March 16

thank you Deodorant for hiding my stench

M16

I like the topic, but the punchline needs work.

9
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:17 pm

M12: 0
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:18 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
March 18

so for a psa i was thinking that bertone and i could hear something and we start walking towards it. We hear a song coming from a closet and the music starts to take us over and then the closet turns into a club and we just start dancing like crazy

M18

Seems like there could be something plenty funny to do here, but the details of the pitch need more clarity. As written, it sounds so random that it risks being less effective than it could otherwise be.

9
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:19 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
March 20

Thank you all knock off pencils for not being as good as Ticonderogas.

M20

Topic might have some potential if it was handled differently, but there doesn't really seem to be a punchline here.

8
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:21 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
March 24

Thank you to that one pink shirt in the white laundry load for making me look like a princess all day

M24

This is more like it. Although I'd suggest adding "and feel" after the word "look" in your punchline. It's a subtle difference, but a notable one. But this is finally more like it when it comes to Thank You notes.

10
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:21 pm

M26: 0
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Wshaw15
JV Starter
JV Starter


Posts : 41
Join date : 2014-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Mon Mar 30, 2015 9:54 am

March 30

Thank you mouthwash for making my mouth feel like a volcano.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Wshaw15
JV Starter
JV Starter


Posts : 41
Join date : 2014-09-09

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Wed Apr 01, 2015 9:49 am

April 1,

Thank you to those sad dog commercials for making me sad for all eternity
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:34 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
March 30

Thank you mouthwash for making my mouth feel like a volcano.

M30

Solid potential, could have some good banter afterwards too.

10
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:34 pm

Wshaw15 wrote:
April 1,

Thank you to those sad dog commercials for making me sad for all eternity

A1

This one feels too literal, not enough surprise to the punchline.

9
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Shack
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 5554
Join date : 2014-01-21
Age : 42
Location : MarshVegas

PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:42 pm

You are done with homework pitches. Congratulations. Feel free to produce some of your accumulated ideas in your final term of Telecom 1. You are welcome to continue posting on your pitch thread as a place to keep ideas you don't want to lose track of, but they will no longer be scored from this point forward.


We will be moving our focus into the TV studio facility for 4th term. I look forward to helping you develop the skills necessary for us to hit the ground running next fall as best we can.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://shack3000.wordpress.com/
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Will Shaw pitch thread   

Back to top Go down
 
Will Shaw pitch thread
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 4 of 4Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4
 Similar topics
-
» Best Fight Thread!
» Funny Fights Thread!
» NECA Toy Fair 2011 reveal thread
» Eternal Dream Official "LOL Pictures" Thread
» Minecraft Screenshot Thread

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
MSB Bullpen :: Welcome to the MSB Bullpen :: MSB Telecom I & II Forum-
Jump to: